Stand Up!...or not.

While I was diligently handling the tasks of my job, behind me I hear conversations that I'd rather not hear. Because of my poor work privacy, I grit and bare.

Then it gets juicy. The nice young gentleman behind me decides he wants to talk about his experience with "gays". I'm thinking alrighty, who gives a fck. Maybe he'll shut up.

But why would he do that!

Read, read, read...type, type, type.

Then I hear, blah, blah, blah, the lesbians...
(Umm, alrighty again)

But then he goes on to talk about how he thinks that it's unnatural and that's for their maker to judge. And of course they got that way because some man hurt them so dearly. Oh and how it's their choice, so let God deal with it.

I can not for the life of me understand why people give two fcks about gay people and whether it's a yay or nay in "God's eyes". There are people killing people, raping, ruining the lives of others and people seem to always get stuck on what "the gays" are doing. WHY?

I'm sorry, when people get SO serious about "the gays", I start to think that you're fighting some type of unaddressed emotion about your own sexuality. I'm not being sarcastic either, I REALLY believe that is the case a large percentage of the time, men and women.

I digress.

As he got more and more vocal about how sinful being gay is, I got more and more annoyed. Because I am the first to say, "hey beotches of the world, it's your fcking opinion, enjoy".

But I will not tolerate that bullsht at work. (Especially, not for this lil' bit of coins, lol)

So I walks over to the man and woman and say hey, I'm "gay" and you're making me uncomfortable". They're like huh. So I repeat myself. They give me the strangest look and say I'm sorry and he walks aways from my area.

All and all, I just think that people should watch which group you want to discriminate against. Because at a moments notice it could be you. (And the lady he was talking to was Mexican, so I'm thinking btch you DEFINITELY should hush, cause ya'll on the "hate list" big time!)

Although neither was Black, not too long ago nigs was tellin us that we aint in da Bible and God aint on our side. And they had the nerve to make it law. Not too long ago, someone could call us niggers and monkeys and unnatural, and denied us rights and life...

Anyway, "You're making me uncomfortable" is the best I could come up with. Not all that, but I refused to NOT say anything. And I was waiting for someone to get gansta so the Black and the HRC (Human Rights Campaign) could come right up out of me, lol. I'm thinking this aint 1960, son. I'll have your azz and her azz in HR, so fckin fast!

UGH.

ON a more serious note, that sht made me sad, mad too, but sad and hurt. The fact that people feel so comfortable speaking that way. Cause I thought damn, this must be how it felt being Black amongst Whites before lawsuits and sht. It was degrading. I hope that I've never made anyone feel that way.

I think sometimes, how did I get here. I did not choose to be "gay".
I think how did I become apart of a group that everyone hates.
How did I become apart of a group that isn't afforded the same rights as everyone else.

People think that being gay is about ass sex and dildos. If only it were that simple.
It's hard and we struggle and we have to fight for sht that people don't think twice about.

Fck it, I don't even wanna talk about it anymore...

Church Bells...

People, myself included, can be completely in love with the idea of being married. And my question is why?

(Note: From the commentary of this blog and others, it should be obvious that I aint havin the bestest of days.)

Up until now, I got all gitty at the thought of marriage or some interpretative form of it. But as my life screams "you'ze married now", I scream "oh sht, get me out of here".

I feel married. Too married. We have a baby a.k.a Danny the Doberman, we have a house. Married.

Okay, to explain the dog baby thing...the dog is like a child, he needs constant attention. He can't be left alone. He cries when we put him to sleep in his cage. He wakes up in the middle of the night crying. He's gotten sick twice, which has cost us hundreds of dollars. He's almost died. And he eats alot. Blower.

This doggy thing has strained our relationship, mentally and financially. Our parenting skills are different. Blah, blah, blah.

We act and operate like the little married stories you see on tv. We have our good days and our bad.

All this to say married life is hard! It takes alot of nurturing and real sincere love. It requires you to think about someone else all the time. It truly causes you to share you life with another being. And that's hard. Well to me. Cause it's always go-team-go, when you really might wanna just do you.

Maybe that's why so many people run from the sht. Cause they just want to live for themselves.
Now I see why men prolong it or get in it and dishonor every rule. Because to live it on the straight and narrow takes work and commitment and trust, etc. Most people can't handle it.

Don't get me wrong, I loves my girlfriend, truely, sincerely, deeply.

Now I think about it. Who said nigs had to get married anyway. Who said that yo life had to be shared with one other person fo-eva.

Da Bible? Umm, humm...

Purified Water vs. Blood

I have an undeserving loyalty to my family.



After confusion and mayham spawned my exile, I was crushed and confused.
I wanted to get back in for reasons beyond my understanding. And apparently beyond the understanding of my girlfriend.

Some instances she'd try to play psy-ky, but on others she's like pah-leeze drop those zeros. Dropping those zeros, might I add, would have entailed me having NO family. None.

And all of this discussion stemming from a big misunderstanding coated with a few drops of ignorance.

But after "clarification" I, the loyal servant of an undeserving family, am all smiles and giggles, to my girlfriend's dismay. Her views come from the perspective of an outsider who sees pure disfunct and neglect. But the eyes of the insider, me, have on a completely different pair of specs which visions hope and approval.


A situation too complex for the uninvolved.


So now we have the division...Purified Water vs. Blood.
A division that will always be divided.

So what's a girl to do, when the compromised love from her family is better than no love?
Keep loving?