Bigger...

Bigger aint always better...and if I never knew so, I sure found out last Friday.

I finally muscled up and got my "before the end of the year" tat... a lotus flower.

Obviously, I thought that this would change my life or something because I became superficially empowered by the Asian symbolism behind the flower, i.e.- a symbol for awakening to the spiritual reality of life. I thought that like the flower I have been at the bottom in the muddy, yucky dirty bottom of the pond, but I have risen/ (is rising) above to display my beauty.

But in this case my "beauty" is too BIG. So either, I've been growing at the bottom so long that I've developed some type of elephantitis or I gots a lot of beauty to share. Lol.

I mean this thing is huge. Bigger than the hip it's on.

King Kong aint got nothin' on it...really.

All I wanted was a "funky" little flower on my hip that I would add to me completing my masterpiece, but nooooooo, I got a flower on steroids. Ugh, I drove home from DC in pain and close to boo hooing.

This is the picture I brought, but what I got doesn't even come close to providing the same feeling as it. Ugh, heart breaking...*sniffle*. Now I feel like all the other clowns that have miscellaneous tats. I won't take away from homeslice's craftsmanship, but the size is insulting to the hundreds of dollars I spent on my back. When I saw the preview, I thought that he'd add some mysterious "spice" that overshadow the size. But nay. I would upload a pic of the emphasis bloom, but I'm not that technologically advanced. Sorry.

So is there life after a huge tattoo that isn't everything you dreamed of? I sure hope so. I'm still devastated. I don't even think that I can show it to anyone. I'm just grateful that I can hide it under my boycut undies, so I don't have to see it.

It is so hard being me. So hard.

Attrition...

It has taken me about 30 days to get over the firing of my co-worker. I litereally think that I became work-depressed. All the typical signs, i.e.- unable to work, talk, think...function. I don't think that it was so much who and what it was, but what it represented. It represented power of the foolish.

While I was in it, I just couldn't pull out of it. It consumed me. I looked miserable, acted miserable and spent lots of time staring at a screen without being able to tell you a thing about what was there.

Because I'm just coming out of it, I really can't believe that I shut down like that.

My co-worker actually made a Level10, turn into a Level 5. He allowed the day to go by faster. He allowed me to be able to laugh in the worst of situations. So to me, without that, my Level 10, remained a Level 10.

Now that the 30 days storm has blown over, the clouds remain, but above those clouds are tiny specs of Sun.

Thank the Gods for the Sun...