Free Fall...

Whoa, I’m in a not so good mood. I think that it’s because my world isn’t right.
I am busted and disgusted. She’s out of sight and hugely out mind. And I don’t know if that’s for the betterment of our relationship or not.

I don’t know what I’m going to say or do when I see her. I know what frame of mind I’ve placed her in, but past experiences have shown that I’m typically wrong when I draw conclusions while “in my world”. My way of coping with that is to not think about it. Bad idea…I know.

This consortium of feelings that I have is overwhelming. I feel like she swung Pandora’s Box wide the hell open. And now the sht is out of both of our hands. The thing about sht like this is that there is no going back. I’m not trying to force anything, but there is something bubbling inside me that refuses to subside. I actually fought with it this weekend, feeling so overwhelmed, like never before. I feel like I’m about to go and figuratively jump off a cliff. The high alone makes it worth it. But the final stage is either a saving grace or death’s door.

Oh well, because I’ve spent my whole life safety netting myself. This time it’s a free fall.