Snap...Crackle...Pop!

The human mind is a sensative structure. Far too often do we underestimate it's capabilities and it's strength. And far too often do we abuse it, thinking that we'll get away with it scott-free. I sometimes think of the mind as something that needs to be fed, nutured, and loved. Giving it is fair balance of nutrients and allowing it to dispose of the unnecessary. Granted some people's check and balance system is screwed from the jump and some of us just don't get it.


SNAP...Snap is sound you hear when you are first mentally pushed over your pyschological edge. It's like stepping on a branch as you walk through the forest. Although you continue to walk on, a butterfly effect has been initiated. Here marks the beginning of the process.

CRACKLE...Crackle is the more continuous sound you hear, when the snap is over looked. As you walk through life many branches are breaking. No longer are you able to hide the effects of the many forces that are contributing to you mental struggle. Some struggle to keep their balance and to appear normal. But those who know you well know that something isn't right. You appear to be a little less patient, a little more on edge, a little less compassionate. Some drink a little bit more, smoke a little bit longer, eat a little more often.

POP...Pop is fun! Pop is when the fascade is over. Fuck a branch, the tree has fallen. Pop can be heard by your friends, your enemies and strangers a like. Or it can be as silent as laying in a corner and crying alone. Letting out the emotion that should have been addressed at snap.

I thought about this SNAP CRACKLE POP, during my POP. And I said wow this started a while back and because I, in my own way, chose to ignore my inner self and I had to go through a far more exhausting process. I mastered the art of recognizing the inner pain and unhappiness of others, but failed to look at myself.

I of all people have learned that you have to listen to yourself. Your real self. Not the self that wears a mask for the world. When you don't pay attention to your body and your mind, you are bound for struggle and even failure. You must know how to cleanse yourself. How to discard waste. You must know how to rejuvenate yourself. You must learn you. And on another note, I've realized that being as that we're all kindred spirits, if you learn you, you'll learn alot about others as well.

Train Ride...

The train pulled in on a different track this morning. It's a big deal because I like to sit in the same seat (by the window), and the same car everyday. (So what, I'm a creature of habit.) And it's hard to figure that out when the train is on a different track. Anyway, I believed that I was on the right car, and squeezed by a large dude that was sittin next my favorite seat.

Anyway...he raised his head and referenced the amount of sugar that I was placing in my coffee, after he lifted his head from the book he was reading. I busted out laughing, slightly out of embarassment, cause I was thinking, damn how many packs DID I put in my lil' cup.

Anyway we began chit chatting about various things, one being getting sick. I politely shared the story about me suffering from food poisoning and throwing up all over myself in my car. And then we talked about youth, getting old, alcohol, blessings, cooking, siblings etc. It was quite enjoyable. I thought, hummm, what a cool dude. Just tryna survive. Only the lawd knows what he thought about me.

But it made me think, hummm, why don't women (strangers) have decent miscellaneous convo. I mean if it does happen, it's either about men, children, or talkin bout people. Maybe it's just me. But I rarely if ever have decent conversations with female strangers. Do I bond better with men? I know that sounds crazy coming from someone who dates women, but I'm talking about outside of a relationship. Hmpf.

In conclusion as we reached his stop, he asked if we could exchange numbers and I politely said no, gave him a pound (cause I had been wiping my nose the whole time) and wished him farewell. I didn't think he was out of line. But I just thought, dang, why can't men and women be friends. Why does it always have to go somewhere else? I hate that. Because I like hangin out with guys.

It's so unfortunate to me. It's like dag, are my male-female interactions going to be confined to a train ride. Am I ever going to be friends with a male again?

Anyway. Just something that I was thinkin bout.

Oh well.

Professionality...

I have noticed over the past few years that at work I've had set aside more and more of my personality and turned on my professionality. Up until this year I have resented this process because I felt like it was draining and possibly unnecessary. But as I mature I realize that it's just apart of the game. And playing that game the right way is apart of my success.

This are is most definitely important considering that I am a Black young woman. Black, young, and woman are all antitheses of today's work environment, especially as you rise to the top.

The reason I blog is because I think that I have accepted my duty and I have begun to develop my professionality. I mean I am still myself, but with a twist. Kinda like when in Rome do as the Romans. Because otherwise I'd get swollowed up, over looked, bypassed, etc. And I'm really not feeling that.

Should I sit back and watch them make rank and sit in the back of the line?
Hell No.

So 2 points for me.
Thee end.
:)

Jelly 2...

The Update. How about there is no update. She didn't come because of x,y,z.

Did I really expect life to throw me freebie and let me prepare days in advance for an uncomfortable situation? Why would that happen? Lol. Your toughest moments, especially new ones, seldom come when expected. They usually come right at the time you least expect it. At that time that you're most likely to act on impulse and show your ass.

I guess these unexpected feelings are a sign that my feelings have gone to some sort of next level. I hate to call this situation a next level. But my inner feelings about the possible situation represent a next level. I almost feel foolish, but others may call it preemptive.

Oh no, I might be loosing my swagger.

Boo hoo...

Jelly...

I've never really considered myself the jealous type, probably because I haven't really cared enough about anyone I've dated to even be worried. I've always had the whole icicle heart thing going on. Of course this was completely annoying to anyone who liked me. But I couldn't help it.

Now that I think about it, I prided myself on being the non-jealous type. I thought it added to my confidence, security, self-image...just my whole fckin swagger. Lol.

But little did I know I was over due.

Tweet found a Black (lol) at her job to trip with. Coincidently she's bi, but has a boyfriend. Boo. Pre-bi info, I knew somethin wasn't right. Once people know you gay, there is bound to be one to give you extraness.

So anyway, it was just announced that she was invited to the Super Bowl Party at our cousin's house. When the news came through the phone and in my ear, I had this DA FUKK come over me. It was terribly involuntary, but hey. Anyhoo, she was like yeah, I invited her and she's coming. I'm thinking, who the fck said she can come. I don't wanna be 'round no body that's given you gums and teeth all day.

Oh! And there was the call from a lunch gatherin with her and I'm like, WAIT A DAMN MINUTE.

So does this count as an act of relationship jealousy or it is it a normal watchin of thou property. Lol.

I don't like the feelin, cause I don't hide mine easily.

I guess I just need to wait until I meet her face to face. I'm a better judge of character that way.

And this isn't even about me mistrustin Tweet. It's just about women. Especially curious women. Own truss'em. Nope. Not me. Cause with them it's about the chase, not the catch. And dayum, own wanna dig in Tweet's sht bout no other woman. Cause if I even get a hint that some sht aint right bout her. Imma light some sht up for Tweet not recognizin'!!!!

And I don't wanna do that. It's so out of my character. I like the calm me.

I guess we'll see what's what. But I don't even like the thought of it in the first place.

Maybe I'm overreacting.
Yeah that's it.

Right?