December 13th...
I told myself numerous times for the last 3 days that I was not going to blog about this, but it has been on my mind.
December 13th is my ex-boyfriend's birthday. And this year is the first year in 10 years that I haven't bought him a gift on his birthday or seen him or talked to him. It's funny because I've been mentally counting down his birthday since the month began. Him being 3 years my senior, he pretty much ran game on me during our relationship. But I was obviously a little too stupid to realize it. But in the end it was obviously me who had the last laugh. When notice was given to Baltimore City that I was batting for the other team HE was devastated. He acted out. But in the beginning I was still under his thumb. I had declared him my friend. Going out, chillin and even seeking advice from him.
He was the one person in the world that actually took time to know the real me. Mentally I never broke up with him. I had been letting him wedge his way between every attempted relationship that I had. I now realize that he was ALWAYS first before anyone that I'd met. And that took place for YEARS. Now I think about it, he made it like that and that's the way he wanted to keep it.
I'm not even going to go into all of the nooks and crannies of his and I relationship cause that would be a book. But I guess this year is a milestone, because I think that we really never broke up until this year. We are FINALLY not together. I think that we were both holdin' on. Thinking that we'd never find the connection that we had with someone else, male or female.
The fact we don't talk anymore is crazy. Cause I actually thought of him as the only man I would ever marry. Now I realize that the person I was holdin on to might not even exist. But now that we've parted I've been blessed with someone else to share my life with. And I'm happy. Who would have thought that I'd actually be happy with someone besides him.
Whether we talk or not, he knows that I still have mad love for him and that I wish him nothing but happiness and prosperity and a lot of other shit.
So Happy Birthday, Q!!!!
posted by Retrospect @ 8:35 AM
2 Comments:
You know I ALWAYS remember birthdays. I can tell you my boyfriends from back in the day birthdays. I'm good w/ numbas.. but I digress. We all have special "connections" with different people. The fact that you recognize what you and Q had special (on a whole) then I don't see anything wrong w/ throwing him a lil birthday party in ya head and leaving it at that! It's hard when a relationship ends but the friendship doesn't. How do you explain that to your future mate(s) ? *sigh* It's tough and I'm rambling so I'mma shut up now..
Aw. That was nice. Emotional. Glad you worked through whatever, and there ain't nothing wrong with still having mad love for ex-es. Keep it in mental though. Doesn't sound like there's room or a need to make it physical again (talking to or seeing him, I mean). You're happy without him, but you still love him as a friend, and that's cool.
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