Tap out...

Tap out... is a term for yielding to the opponent, and hence resulting in an immediate defeat.

Why is it that people seldom tap out upon getting those very generous warnings of defeat? Is it because they're just so steadfast or is it out of fear.

Relationships require one of the most difficult "tapping out" processes out there. Because you sit and think dayum, am I being too difficult, too demanding, too selfish. People definitely consider tenure, like dayum we have all these years in, blah, blah, blah. And out of shear desperation or optimism, we think, humm maybe we can work it out.

Now, either I'm a quiter or a dayum realist, because I gets in and gets out. And I don't think it's fear based. I think that I carefully assess the give and take in a relationship and try to exhaust my giving before I provide my partner with a bona fide fck it, lol.

But now as we get older, the sht becomes more difficult, more involved and possibly a lot more at risk, emotionally, financially, etc.

It's so hard to even assess your relationship because you have to first assess yourself. I currently am really trying to figure out why the "gods" have placed me in my current relationship. It's a very dynamic relationship. There is a lot going on in it. Stuff that's within our control and stuff that's not. I'm focused on the stuff that I feel I am not in control of.

I HONESTLY feel like I was placed in this relationship, regardless of whether or not I wanted to be there or not. So I'm like okay, what and where the fck is the lesson cause there is some major weirdness going on.

Even on the days I want to quit, I can't quite do it. And I really don't think that it's me that's holding me back or her that's holding me in. It just is what it is.

But there are those days when I sit and think, come on now universe this can't be what I'm supposed to be going through.

And the hopeless woman in me sometimes (rarely) thinks dayum, if it ends what do I have to look forward to. The dating game is fcked and has been fcked ever since I became apart of it. I think dayum, I am going to be alone, which isn't so bad until you add the forever piece, lol.

So what the fck do you do, wait it out, force yourself to say fck it? I really don't know. But more and more I begin to think that relationships just aren't for me. I just don't operate well in them.

So what is the universe telling me. That I'm supposed to spend this lifetime alone.
Or that I just haven't found where I'm supposed to be...