Damn...

Damn.

I done did it again. I'm jammed up. I joined a group that I know longer want to be apart of. And why not make it more interesting by resting my whole livelihood around it. The last 2 times this happened, my escape was long and torturous, this time around, I'm not sure what it'll be. I'd actually am not out to set the record straight or to make others miserable, I just want what I deserve.

I mean, you try to do the right thing, just to find out that what you're doing doesn't matter one way or another. You're just for show, a front, a scapegoat even. The sht fcks my mind up every time I think about it. So day after day, I commit and feel useless. But I can't even reveal that I know it's all a game, I must play until I leave. Because once you're discovered, you're gone anyway.

I've never been good at being phoney, that's actually on my list of weaknesses. Because now days if you can't fake it, you aint gonna make it. Maybe that's why I'm not making it too good. I keep trying to swim up stream, but that current gets overwhelming, son. So these days, I've been walking around with half a mask, letting my inner feelings be partially exposed. That's the best I can do. I don't even want the other half of the mask, it stinks.

But stink is the perfume of success...